I wanted this sillouette thing of both of my kids. I’ve wanted it for some time. Anyway, today, I decided was the day we were going to do it. I needed to take a clean profile pic of both kids to place the order.
My three year old, for whatever reason.. could. not. listen. He could not stand perfectly profiled, looking at the wall, in order for me to get three profile pictures (what this particular website requires). He could not do it without putting his hands in his mouth, his shirt in his mouth, crying, looking up at the sky, looking down at the ground, getting more and more nervous the longer it went on.
“Why can’t you listen?”!!! Ugh. I was getting so angry with him. All the while, my one year old is crying to be held and nurtured and who knows what else, I was too busy trying to get this stupid profile picture, right??
He’s getting more nervous and whining and putting his hands in his mouth and whimpering and he’s not sure what’s going on because I’m so mad at him and he can’t really figure out why because all I want is a picture right? What is so important about a picture?
The universe has her say. I yell one more time and slam my butt down one the coffee table..and the legs break off under me. Then I am really, really mad! @&*!%&@#!!
Finally. I break down. I start to cry. Totally not like me. He realizes my state and comforts me. “Mama, don’t be sad. Smile mama.”. Followed by kisses. Over and over.
Then the guilt comes. Oh and it comes. And it comes and comes. Like waves. Guilt like nothing I have ever felt. And I cry. And he kisses. And I cry. And he tells me, “smile, mama” as he uses his little fingers to move my lips into a smile. Which makes me cry worse.
Damn man. All I can say is this shit is hard.
How’s that for post-Mother’s Day bliss?