Confessions of a Wanna-Be Supermom..

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I yelled at my kid today.

I wanted this sillouette thing of both of my kids. I’ve wanted it for some time. Anyway, today, I decided was the day we were going to do it. I needed to take a clean profile pic of both kids to place the order.

My three year old, for whatever reason.. could. not. listen. He could not stand perfectly profiled, looking at the wall, in order for me to get three profile pictures (what this particular website requires). He could not do it without putting his hands in his mouth, his shirt in his mouth, crying, looking up at the sky, looking down at the ground, getting more and more nervous the longer it went on.

“Why can’t you listen?”!!! Ugh. I was getting so angry with him. All the while, my one year old is crying to be held and nurtured and who knows what else, I was too busy trying to get this stupid profile picture, right??

He’s getting more nervous and whining and putting his hands in his mouth and whimpering and he’s not sure what’s going on because I’m so mad at him and he can’t really figure out why because all I want is a picture right? What is so important about a picture?

Nothing.

The universe has her say. I yell one more time and slam my butt down one the coffee table..and the legs break off under me. Then I am really, really mad! @&*!%&@#!!

Finally. I break down. I start to cry. Totally not like me. He realizes my state and comforts me. “Mama, don’t be sad. Smile mama.”. Followed by kisses. Over and over.

Then the guilt comes. Oh and it comes. And it comes and comes. Like waves. Guilt  like nothing I have ever felt. And I cry. And he kisses. And I cry. And he tells me, “smile, mama” as he uses his little fingers to move my lips into a smile. Which makes me cry worse.

Damn man. All I can say is this shit is hard.

How’s that for post-Mother’s Day bliss?

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7 responses »

  1. it’s the real deal mama…and it’s so okay. he needs to see you be human too, it’s okay. we would have a bunch of assholes in the world that never call their mothers or realize she has feeling and struggles if you were perfect. it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.

  2. when we’re continually trying to teach them what’s best, sometimes they teach us…when everyone learns, the guilt dissipates leaving behind two hearts that were bigger than before.

  3. Oh mama! I know you reached your limit if you actually cried, considering I didn’t actually think you HAD tear ducts! That beautiful baby boy was dead set on making you smile because he has a kind kind heart that he got from you!! He also got your stubborn streak. Maybe he felt fat today and just didn’t want his damn picture taken! Love you!

  4. You are a super mom! You have 2 beautiful kids who love you and you love them! Thanks for sharing your story with us.

  5. 😦 Been there done that . . . portable DVD player at eye height with Backyardigans on it. Worked for mine this year. Totally with you about the frustration to tears part. Its all I can do to keep my calm at 4am every morning when Bethany decides to start her day, then wake her siblings. SEVERELY overtired mama and children for 2 months straight. Tears are becoming commonplace I fear 😦 😦

  6. Mama, this job is so hard, and there is room for you to be a human being as you do it. Every mom loses it sometimes–I know I do!– and the real opportunity at these times is allowing your kids to see your humanity & your fallibility…it gives them permission to be human themselves and is a chance for them to practice compassion and forgiveness. The real gem of this story is how he responded to your distress and treated you with tenderness, and YOU taught him that. The theme around our house these days is “Everyone–even grown-ups–makes mistakes! Mistakes are expected and accepted!” If we can’t show our children how to make and recover from mistakes, who will?

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